Jane Kur

New Year means New Life, New Resolutions, New Everything.

Has it always been a periodical timeline in a human’s lifetime calendar to actually start over a "new" year?

Since when do we celebrate a "new" beginning of a pre-existed cycle?

Do people set up "new" resolutions to fill up their to-do baskets early on, because of our pre-conditioned lifestyle of autonomous mechanisms?

If the true purpose of those "resolutions" are truly to resolve previous errors and wrong-doings, why do we have to wait until the "new" year and not start over this very minute, this very exact second of reality?

Is "new" year an actual period that human needs to mark as the beginning of a new cycle, which would allow them to eliminate past misfortunes to reach a higher state of existence? Or is it simply an illusion of stepping stones, where one ahead is not too much different from the one behind?

Whereas some people like to see life as a jigsaw of black and white, I’d prefer the abstract blend of shades of gray.

Happy New Year, may all be merry and wise.

JK

Have you ever loved somebody so much it hurts you couldn’t
even cry?

Have you ever tried to shout your feelings out loud,

but nothing comes out you can’t even sigh?

Have you ever felt a grief so bad your heart suddenly feels
hollow and empty?

The time just stopped, and a second felt like an eternity?

Trying to make sense of things, yet you can’t grasp a life’s
demise?

Yet all you can do is stay and wait, you don’t even know
why?

And at night you’d stay up, all the way until the sun wakes

You can’t close your eyes, and look for any distractions
just to get by

Nothing surfaces, just a cold, numb feeling

And every thought that came up leaves you with no clue?

If there’s any of you, any of you that are true

Truly and madly have been this blue

Won’t you lend a helping hand, a muchly needed comforting
suggestions

To get me out of this deep hollowness

JK

Sex. Relationships. Love.  

Are these the human mental
equivalent of blood, oxygen and water?

Human life are constantly
and unavoidably surrounded by the Three Critical Elements above.

Boy was born, boy grew up,
boy met girl, boy married girl.

Are these really the
fulfilling path of people’s life?

A long, long time ago an
innocent girl was boasting about how marvellous love is, and how she could not
imagine how cold, ignorant, and lifeless life would be without the existence of
Love.

Then someone she knew said:

"but imagine how
stable life would be without love".

Unable to defend herself,
she kept quiet.

Some long, bumpy and curvy
road later the words popped out of her head like a jumping hot popcorn. The
world suddenly shifts. She never looked at life the same again. Suddenly
everything makes sense. The sudden break up, the persistent nightmares, the
undeserved joy that she always knew was too good to be true.

Maybe the saying is true,
and it has carved a powerful mantra in her heart.

Your brain starts to
think the moment you were born, and stops the second you fall in love.

In the early journey of my
twenty-something-ness, I begin to wonder:

do I really want love?

An old, dear friend of mine
once talked about his life.

"Life’s good. No
girls, no distraction."

And just like that, he rest
his case.

Don’t get me wrong, this
doesn’t mean that I loathe the old-time classic tale of Romeo and Juliet, or
Cinderella and her prince charming who would stormed outside his castle with
his majestic white suit to find one of many glass shoes, or, for a closer
reference, our newly wed neighbour, who seemingly happy to spend each weekend
gardening their empty backyard. After some conquests which involved endurance,
patience (which I have found very challenging), and under/standing, I have come
to a conclusion:

Life is stable
without love.

And just like that, I rest
my case

JK

Time is everything.

Well, at least a huge part of all things.

Farmers need to know exactly the seasonal periods of the
year to ripe the maximum benefit of their hard labour. Even with the best
seeds, the plants won’t grow if they were planted during the wrong time.

There are celebrations around the globe to proclaim the
beginning of adulthood amongst their youths. It is their time to be an adult,
and to be treated as such. Equally, a certain level of maturity are to be
expected, because the society approves that the time they have spent in life
has allowed and equipped them to conduct responsibly.

Some ancient myths adopted histories and legends of heroic
figures obtaining priceless heritage at exactly the appropriate time, down to
the seconds. Needless to say, the exact same action done at the wrong time
would result death, if not permanent disability.

Is time the key to resolve all issues?

People say that time heals, or things would happen or
get better at its own time, or it’s time for such and such to be
done. Then maybe for certain issues, frustrating and unsolveable issues, it
would be good to wait. To stop, take a deep breath, and see what’s around the
corner. For the farmers can’t force to plant winter vegetables in the middle of
summer, nor can a twelve years old be considered as an adult and is expected to
drive and work.

So for those who are pulling out their hair, or constantly
stalking their psychologists for extra sessions, maybe a time out would calm
you down, and let you see the bigger picture of your life.

Once you settle, then you’ll realize:

Waiting, it ain’t so bad.

JK

I thought I saw something.

Yes, I was sure I had it.

It looked real,

It seemed real,

hell, it even tasted real.

So I took it home

and it was a part of me.

But one day

I came home to an empty heart.

Then I realised,

that it was only an illusion.

So here I am again,

all alone,

one solitary figure.

Just the wind,

the night,

and me.

JK

I could not sleep last night.
I don’t have insomnia, but the new pillow someone swapped my old pillow with was horribly unbearable – leaving me with a 2-inch gap between my shoulder and the bed, which was highly unusual for my stiff, short neck.

Somewhere in the midst of night and dawn, in between a state of consciousness and drunken-like slumber, my mind started to wander. The short yet intense journey I went through, the bittersweet memories, places, people, and unforgettable paths I took and left behind. All which lead me to this place, to this very hour.
Then the unavoidable argument of all time: Life, Choices and Destiny.

For many ten-fold of centuries humankind have been battling their brain cells out of their skulls. Unenduring war of the Left and Right; of Rational and Emotional; of Realism and Spiritualism.

Whereas the Buddhist claims that current life is an outcome of past decisions, Christians believe that each individual has a pre-destined life ahead of them, one of God’s own plan, carefully stitched even before they were conceived.

Like many constant thinkers, I struggle picking side between this mind tug-of-war. Embracing Destiny would be of a great comfort, knowing that somehow, somewhere, some-what scenario would unravel itself and we would know that it is “God’s Plan” for us to discover that certain task. However, a more liberating and tempting path is of the Rational, of the free will, of being able to choose independently and being equally rewarded or punished for our choices in life. For our life.

Does this mean that Nguyen’s ripe life has been predestined to be ended in
Singapore’s knot?
Or did Mother Teresa consciously decide to leave her civilised life behind to live for other’s well-being?

I like to think that maybe, it’s a little bit of both.
Like the saying goes, “we can only try to do our hardest until Destiny reveals itself”

JK

Has coupledom been a part of every Eartherns’ life?

For Asians around the world, relationship and marriage is
considered to be one of an unquestioned path that one needs and would have to
go through. Like a five-year old about to enter their childhood years, adults
are expected to be, and belong to a couple based relationship to be considered
an “established” figure. More often than not, a single successful man or woman
would be glanced with a sheer empathy out of their ringless fingers. Regardless
of their content and comfortable personal state of mind, society stamped them
as a somewhat rejected items, of an unsold product no matter how often it was
on “sale”, “reduced”, and re-“reduced”.

Has fate been so singly layered, with no other dimensions
BUT the one “true”, “correct” and “appropriate” way? Certain marriage lifestyle
that would be of a close custom for Asians would be the familiar “rich man –
pretty woman” entangleship.

He would be an average looking guy, with no less than a big
house and luxurious cars, business or companies that had been established, or
even better, handed over from previous generation. She would be gorgeous and
fertile, with a personality that matches his mother and sisters, and a high
school certificate or university degree that would never be of any use for her
future marriage “career”.

One or two years down their marriage path, she would be
pregnant, give birth, go out shopping and sipping the classy café au-lait
whilst the maids at home take care of her five-days-old infant. And so that’s
how they shall spend their closely knitted child-mother bond for their
remaining lifetime. Whilst numbers got added into the year calendar and she
gets older and less attractive, he would rest his eyes on others who are more
favourable and eye-soothing, and body-pleasing. Power and materials would
dominate their insecure life, he would leave her and she would be bitter all
her life, and their children would continue their superficial lives.

Has life been dominated by material values throughout all of
our existence? Would the cavemen allow their cavedaugthers marry only the
cave-owners and compatible hunters?

What about our single,
successful, smart and independent members of the society who are happily
married to themselves? Would it not be a lot more favourable to accomplish one
single satisfying life than to resentfully endure a pre-conditioned lifestyle
only to live up to the society’s standard?

JK